| 6 month post. |
[04 Oct 2006|01:33am] |
Well its been six months since my last post. so ill update my life.
well biggest thing to change is im not sxe anymore.
Ive almost posted so many times of why i "soldout" or how sell outs call it "bought in" either way i did it.
I dont regret selling out abit. I lived my life for 8 years drug free and that was awesome i wouldnt take that back for anything. I wanted to drink though.. (nothing wrong with that)
I do wish that i didnt push people away for drinking or doing drugs or selling out... i lost a few very good people because of it... and honestly it wasnt worth it and it was all my fault.
I do know ive done a few things i wouldnt of done sober but thats fine because there are a ton of things ive done that i wish i could of done sober too. I also know i need to slow down on drinking abit and not drink so much when i do drink... (im working on it)
other then that i grew some facial hair.. moved back to indy for abit... (going back out on tour with rise agaisnt soon) and thats about it i think
(pretty much just got bored)
i stay pretty up to date on myspace..
www.myspace.com/paulkercheval
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| IM coming home tomorrow |
[26 Mar 2006|01:07pm] |
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If anyone knows of any sweet jobs or any shitty jobs in indiana please let me know.
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| Oh man. |
[12 Mar 2006|12:47am] |
So I was working tonight and did a lot of thinking.
I have been searching for God since I was like 13. I thought I found him many times over again. I remember going to church camp every year and they always asked the same question. I always went to the ATF’s and other Christian get togethers. They always asked the same question too. I think this question has ruined my faith in God and I am sure it has ruined a lot of other people’s faith also.
The question is “Do you know 100% that Jesus is in your heart?” or something along those lines. Maybe they asked. “If you died tonight would you know where you are going?” I don’t know about all the other kids there at church camp but I prayed for Jesus to save me over and over and over again. I still never knew if Jesus was in my heart. I never knew 100% that I was going to heaven. I always told people I was and I told people I knew 100%. I was lying to myself and I was lying to them. By doing that I think I was just adding to the lie that the church tells people.
For years I was a Christian because I was scared of going to hell. I don’t think I am the only one that is a Christian because of that fear either. I believe the church plays on fear also. Look at history how many wars are because of the church. How much hatred there is today because of the church. The church pretty much says if you sin your going to hell. So Christians should hate you and treat you differently I mean look at gays. It’s a sin for a man to love a man. I mean it doesn’t hurt ANYONE. But those people are going to hell. I have even heard it was a sin to not eat meat. It doesn’t kill anyone to not eat meat.
Its been almost a year since I kind of accepted the fact that if there is a God and God is how the church says he is I am pretty much going to hell. There is nothing I can do to stop the fact that I don’t know 100% Jesus is in my heart or that there is even a God. I still have doubt. Also in this year I kind of learned there are worst things then sin. Maybe the church doesn’t see it as “wrong” but it still is wrong you might not go to hell because of it but people still get hurt, people will still die because of it.
Also things that the church says is a sin really isn’t that bad. i.e. homosexuality. I really don’t understand why people think its wrong. Really who does it hurt?
I’m really not sure where I am going with this but I guess I just want to tell the Christian to rethink about why they are a Christian. I am not saying that there is anything wrong with it but you really need to know why you believe what you do also be honest with yourself.
One thing I love about Christians they do a lot of good in the world. They have so much love to share to people. I just wish they would do it because they loved the people and not so much because they wanted to save their souls. There are so many lives being lost, so many people dying, so many people being hated. I just wish Christians wouldn’t add to that and love people because they are people.
Also I wish Christians didn’t scare people into believing in God it will just hurt them in the long run. I lived in fear for years it ruined part of my life. I couldn’t even imagine being completely open about being gay and trying to live in a Christian world. I would be terrified. It is scary to live in a world where people tell you you’re going to hell. Hell is made out to be a horrible place.
Please don’t get me wrong here I would love it if I was 100% sure I was saved but I am not. I hope I am saved. I hope God has mercy on me and still loves me even though I don’t know if he is real or not. I guess I hope he is real and I hope he forgives me but I just don’t know.
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[10 Mar 2006|05:24pm] |
HOLY FREAKEN A...
Only $375.30 left.. IM ALMOST OUT OF DEBT.
After 4 years, one more week ill be free of this.
IM SO TIGHT
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[05 Mar 2006|03:13pm] |
Wooh a little rant here.
I FUCKING HATE APOLOIGIZES
a•pol•o•gize
1.To make excuse for or regretful acknowledgment of a fault or offense.
2. To make a formal defense or justification in speech or writing.
3. defend, explain, clear away, or make excuses for by reasoning.
Don’t ever tell me you’re sorry. If you have done something wrong to me I don’t need to hear about it again. Just change, don’t do it again and we will both be fine. To apologies just makes you feel better and it makes a quick fix to the problem. Then it’s easy to do it again and apologize again.
And excuses I’m so sick of them. Ahh I could go on but I need to get some stuff done.
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| OH CRAP ITS BEEN AWHILE. |
[26 Feb 2006|02:28pm] |
Ok ill start with a pretty funny story.
So last night i was talking to my dad on the phone and he was like.. Um Paul are you getting married? HAHHAAHAHAHAHA i just laughed and was like NO where did you get that idea. well i guess one time i filled out a survey on myspace and one of the questions were Do you have any big anoucements for everyone? i said. im getting married, knowing all my friends would know i was joking. well my cousin didnt get the joke and thought it was for real.. and so now my moms side of the family thinks im getting married..
OH MAN HOW I LOVE RUMORS ABOUT MYSELF.
Ok Good news, April im coming home..
here is where i need help.. i need a job and a house, and friends need to hang out with me. I need bands to tour and invite me along also.. i cant get bored.
But i fucking miss you all to much..
it will be a good time.
Next good news. im almost out of debt. about $900 more to go.. it will be done by the time im in town.
fuck yes.
Next good news..
eh i dont know.
see you all soon..
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[25 Dec 2005|11:07am] |
Its been forever sence i updated this thing.
I been so busy in chicago, trying to pass this Elephant protection ordenince...
it was awesome seeing alot of my friends for christmas... i miss everyone alot.. i need to stop fucking around and just come home...
it will happen someday..
nothing new has really happend though in the past while...
I sold out SXE.... jk fuckers..
but pretty much everyone else is....ass fucks
i did get a new tattoo the other day, i got.
YOU'RE
ONLY
PUNK
ONCE
(i got this on my armpit)
well that a good enough update....
miss you all and a merry christmas to all....
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[09 Oct 2005|03:18pm] |
so it looks like im going to have like zero free time here in chicago.. but its still pretty sweet.. so if anyone wants to see me they have to let me know abit in advance so i can get off work.. and week days will be so much better..
also Nov 2 there is going to be a huge circus protest here in chicago and if you want to come up and help peta will pay for your way up and give you a place to stay and food.. and like the first 100 to sign up will get money too.. they want like 200+people there... let me know if you want to help.
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[05 Oct 2005|01:49pm] |
So Saturday morning im leaving for chicago.
Again im leaving behind everyone i love.
and again im going to miss everyone. but atleast this time im only 3 hours away
People need to make sure they call me 1(317) 270 0855 when ever they are in chicago.. if you need a place to stay or whatever my house is always yours.. anyone that knows me well always knows that.
So in chicago i guess im going to be trying to get this elephant protection thing passed.. im not really sure everything about it.. ill find out sunday when i start working
but everyone should hang out with me friday night.. it will be my last night in town..
call me, leave messages blah blah blah...
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[04 Oct 2005|07:12pm] |
blah why do i keep leaving..
its starting to hit me that im leaving again in like 4 days..
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[03 Oct 2005|11:33am] |
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so im moving to chicago..
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| This band is so good. |
[02 Oct 2005|08:25pm] |
You could've been all I wanted
But you weren't honest
Now get in the ground
You choked off the surest of favors
But if you really loved me
You would've endured my world
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| Need your help again ASAP. |
[01 Oct 2005|01:07am] |
Ok the Ringling Bros. Circus is in town this weekend and because of that ill also be doing a protest Saturday at 630 at the conseco field house Please if you can make it that would be awesome.. i could use your help.. i should have everything we will need for it..
sorry this is so last minute.. it was for me also.
if you want to help out and have any questions please email me at Hardcore765@hotmail.com or you can call me at 1 317 270 0855
Thanks guys.. for more information of why to do this please look a this.
http://www.petatv.com/tvpopup/Prefs.asp?video=carson_barnes
thanks again...
Paul.
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[28 Sep 2005|11:30pm] |
eh.. it kidna seems like after cheyanne and stuff.. i would beable to talk to girls more.. but im back to mysame old loser self... i still cant flirt with girls at all. i just sound creepy when i do....
im like "yo girl nice vag"
arhg i suck at this dating thing...
anyways any of the girls i like i dont think will ever like me back...
blah.
Paul.
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| eh i did this before but i think i will again. |
[27 Sep 2005|11:01pm] |
List 20 people you know in no particular order: and don't look below..
1. kurt
2. brandon
3. kayla
4. steve
5. kali
6. dano
7. chey
8. benji
9. marea
10. eric
11. ben
12. nate
13. bryno
14. justin
15. tasha
16. joe
17. kristin
18. mikey
19. john
20. lukas
~How did you meet 13?
shows...
~What would you do if you never met 5?
not have found the cute female version of me
~Have you ever really liked 3?
future best friend
~What do you honestly think of 10?
changed my life for the better.. love the dude alot
~would or did 19 and 8 go out?
i dont really think so.
~If 1 died tomorrow, what is one thing that you would need him/her to know?
that i made out with his mom
~would 2 and 11 make a good couple?
nah... i dont think either are gay
~Describe 7 in 3 words:
nice, compasionate, pretty damn sweet.
~Do you think 12 is hot?
yes very much so.
~Would 1 and 17 ever go out?
well 1 would have to kill jo.
~What do you think when you see 8?
HAHAHHAHAHA (time to laugh)
~Tell me something humiliating about 11.
this is one dude that masterbates more then i do.
~do you know any of 6's family members?
no not at all. maybe someday..
~What's 20's favorite color?
pink.. i think thats the color gays like... (yes that was a gay joke) :)
~on a scale of 1-10 how cute is 14?
i would give him a good 8.7
~what would you do if 4 just professed their undying love for you?
most likly do him.
~who is 8 going out with?
hes looking if anyone wants him.
~does 2 have any siblings?
nah
~would you ever date 7?
already did...
~is 15 single?
nah johns tapping that.
~what is 10's fantasy?
winning the wpt
~where does 9 live?
i to the n d y
~would you make out with 13?
yeah maybe.
~how did you meet 15?
shows/youth group
~what grade is 17 in?
out of school.
~When was the last time you talked to 12?
last weekend
~What is 3's favorite band?
so many to list. for real this isnt a cop out
~Does 6 have any pets?
i really dont know either... i need to find this stuff out.
~Does 11 have children?
wellllll...
~Is 8 a virgin?
nah..
~Have you ever had a crush on 16?
cant say i have
~What is number 2's middle name?
fucking
~How old is 5?
15... but its 15 sweet years.
~Where is 18 right now?
in his bed most likly.
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[24 Sep 2005|09:04pm] |
Its been awhile since i posted anything but this has been on my mind for alittle while and i wanted to say something i just have been lazy.
So i was at the zao show last week and i was just standing in the back behind my table and i over heard a conversation with this guy and his girlfriend. It pretty much went like this... Guy "hey hold my shirt so i can dance" Girl "ok"
ok typing it out it doesnt sound like that big of deal. but it just reminded me of the term coat rack. and i noticed the girl really didnt want to hold her boyfriends shit.. but she didnt say anything pretty much because he just walked away.
I guess this goes to the ladies that are my friends, you dont have to put up with that type of shit.. not only being a coat rack but i have noticed with some girls in the scene start whoring themselves out to be accepted. ladies need to stand up and say fuck off. i think more people will have respect for you if you do. you dont have to accept this, you dont have to be a coat rack.
i love to see that more girls are getting involved in the scene, i dont want them to get pushed to the back like ive seen happen before. They deserve to be at any show just as much as anyone.
(sorry if this doesnt make any sence im going on like 3 hours sleep right now)
Don't settle for second best, don't follow all the rest
You say you want the same things well let's put it to the test
Because talk is so cheap when you are screaming at a wall
And it is really hard to hear when you're the loudest of them all
If you want to change the world, quit all your yapping
If we don't start it here, well then it's never going to happen
There is evil in this world but it begins right at home
So let's clean house, then let's cast the first stone
You think equal rights means equal hits
(We're sick of all your tough guy shit)
As you leave the show with the people you've hurt
(You wonder where you left your shirt)
Your a big tough guy and your dance moves are great
(Strong as an ox, dumber then slate)
Your new tattoos they look first rate
(You wonder why you can't get a date)
Sexism sucks! It didn't end in the 80's
And hardcore still needs another song for the ladies
Girlfriends are great, please don't get me wrong
But it's time to put down that coat and come sing along
Because I can't hear your voice from the back of the crowd
Move to the front, and shout it out loud
Keep your eyes on the prize, you know what I mean
If we can't change the world, then let's change the scene
Second class kids in the scene where we all live
I'm angry as hell, but I still stay positive
We'll fight this fight and I know we can do it
If there's a wall in our way, just watch us go through it
Because it's time to realize that we're all in the same boat
If you think you're so tough, then here, hold your own coat
Get it through your head that I don't want your chivalry
Get it through your head: I'm not here for you to fuck me
Times have changed, but you would never know
Not from looking at the people and their places at a show
So raise your voice, join the struggle for equality
My dream for the scene, one word: UNITY!
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[20 Sep 2005|03:24pm] |
AHHH THE WORLD IS GOING GOTH PART TWOOOOOO
( NOOOOOOOO )
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